I am a loving wife, daughter, and sister on a journey to find what makes me smile. I started this blog as a lenten project and have gained a new perspective on my hope, my faith, and my ability to communicate it to others.
This morning J said, "Well today starts lunches at Flying fish and Fuzzies." If you have ever had meals at these establishments, you would know that this is not a sacrifice at all. The sacrifice will be fighting the crowds that are "fasting" as well. I will fast today. I will fast until I get unbearable grouchy and irritable. I find it very challenging to fast on days I have to work. It is a test of wills to handle the stress without nourishment. I believe these days of fasting and abstinence are to help me grow in self discipline and sacrifice.(at least that is what my catechism tells me). Peanut needs me so this is all I have today. How you are going to fast today.
Celebrating Valentines day this second day of lent was awesome. God gave us this beautiful day. We tried something different and had a lunch picnic with J at the Duck pond. Peanut was not as interested in the ducks as he was the kids giving the ducks bread. Thank you God for this wonderful day! Happy heart day!
It's been a long time friends! I am back! Two years ago my lenten project was to blog. I was going to find something joyful in everyday. I had recently struggled with infertility, and an adoption loss. My blog was a way to find myself, and find the joy in life. The plan was also to become closer to God, and find out what his plan was for my life. I had feelings of loss, and on several days no hope. Today, I am content. I am at peace. My life feels the way it should be. I know though, I must always search for God's meaning, presence in my life, and share that with others. Today, I have a son. I want no more and no less. I want to just do a good job in teaching him about life, love, and God's role in everything. My goal is to blog daily this lent. Who knows where this journey will lead me, but I am sure God has a plan for me. Hopefully, friends, we will talk daily. My goal of the day, besides laundry and dishes, was attending Ash Wednesday Mass with my husband and son. Peanut proudly displayed his ashes and is an example of God's beauty in the world.
I received an email from RESOLVE to vote on best blog for National Infertility Awareness Week. They challenged their bloggers with a topic, "Don't Ignore". The top five blogs selected were really good. They were very informative and secular, I guess that was the goal. I read them and voted on my favorite. It really started me thinking about those words, "Don't Ignore". You may say, "Loribug, Why do you care about infertility? You are a parent now." I would answer you with a few words. Infertility never goes away. Anyone who has experienced it will tell you this. Some people may go on to have ten biological children, some may adopt, and some may choose not to have children. If you have ever experienced infertility, it will change you forever. Don't ignore that you will forever be changed by infertility and it will always be a part of you.
Really, the above was just a side note. The most important thing I felt the blogs were missing in the challenge was "Don't ignore GOD!" My relationship with God was solidified through my infertility and adoption journey. I had to trust in him to see the plan he had for me(6 years if you are counting). It wasn't in my hands to control the outcome, just trust that he knew what he was doing. As a person who likes to control and to plan life, this is a hard task. It is also not something that came easily, at all. Honestly, when I prayed and was quiet, that was when I heard my heart. It was then that I found peace with my infertility, that my heart was open to adoption, that my heart healed from a failed match, and that my heart was open to love in whatever form God gave me. Don't ignore GOD.
I guess you are all wondering how Sadie is adjusting to the new man in the house. Many of my past blog posts starred Sadie. She was my favorite subject. I have compiled photo diary for you to see for yourself!
These are the footprints of my son. I'm not sure I ever truly believed I would say or type those words, yet I sit here today(coffee in hand, and my son asleep) typing them. I have not blogged since we got word back in March of our match. I don't think I could really process all the feelings I was having, let alone share them in my blog. After finding out about our match, I experienced every single emotion possible..joy, love, excitement, FEAR, happiness, peace..you get the picture. Today feels like a great day to start to talk about the emotions. Our little man has run into our hearts and stolen them. I started this blog during lent after a failed match. I go back and read bits and pieces of my blog and remember all the heartache I felt, yet I continued to search for joy and happiness and hope. All along, God had his plan for my family. God's plan was very different than anything I could have imagined or hoped. His plan was much better. It allowed my relationship with my husband to become closer, new friendships to develop, and birth of a family in a way that could only be orchestrated by him. I developed a new respect for life and the sacrifices that are made to preserve life. After the birth of our son, my parents gave me a daily devotional book called "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. My husband, not an outwardly emotional guy, tapped my shoulder with tears in his eye's and said, read the day our son was born. This book was published 2004 and it was like that day had been written for us. Here is what it said:
"I have loved you with an everlasting Love. Before time began, I knew you. For years you swam around in a sea of meaninglessness, searching for love, hoping for hope. All that time I was pursuing you, aching to embrace you in my compassionate arms.
When time was right, I revealed Myself to you. I lifted you out of that sea of despair and set you down on a firm foundation. Sometimes you felt naked-exposed to the revealing Light of My Presence. I wrapped an ermine robe around you: My robe of righteousness. I sang you a love song, whose beginning and end are veiled in eternity. I infused meaning into your mind and harmony into your heart. Join me in singing my song. Together we will draw others out of darkness into My marvelous Light."
I could not have expressed it any better.