Lent day 23: "Shadow"

This picture was an accident.  I was trying to take a picture of  the flowers I plan to plant this week and ended up with this one. I thought it was really cool.  It is my shadow.  I don't think I have looked at my shadow as an adult. I can't help but wonder what it means. Do I have a good shadow, or a bad shadow? Is it really a true reflection of me. God's creation of the sun is reflecting off me to create the shadow. It follows me everywhere. Sometimes it can be seen, sometimes it can't. I pray that I can truly see myself in God's light. I think that is why I somehow ended up with this picture...I was meant to see myself in God's light.  

Lent Day 22: "How Do I Judge Others?"

This is a loaded question!! Maybe it should be, "How do I not judge others?" Everyday I think I sit in judgement.  I judge my family, my friends, my coworkers, my dog...you get my point. I think it is easy to admit that, yes we do judge, we do put people in categories, fat/thin, pretty/ugly, faithful/unfaithful, rich/poor, etc.  I think the challenge is to STOP categorizing.  Show Jesus in your life by not judging others.  What a great challenge!

If I were to meet Jesus at a well today, How would it go?  More than likely(and I'm being honest) I probably would wonder why this strange man who thought he was Jesus was talking to me.  I would use my medical training to observe he must have stopped his medications and was having delusions of granduer. I would probably run the other way for fear of my life! So sad, that if I were to meet Jesus, I would miss out based on my pre-conceived notions and judgements.  This just proves that judgement in our life truly does prevent us from seeing God. Everyday we must work, struggle, to truly see people for who they truly are, not what society tells us they are.

Lent Day 21: "A Bucket that Won't Run Dry"

The third Sunday of Lents reflection is about John 4: 6-44.  The story of the Samaritan Women.

Reflection:
We know her darkest secrets(six husbands), yet we do not even know her name. How do you often judge or label others? By color, hearsay, religion, job, nationality, status in life.....

Resolve:
In what aspects of your life are you weary and thirsty for renewal?

Remember:
If you were having an honest conversation with Jesus at the well, what would you say to each other? Would it be pleasant encounter for you and Jesus?

Lent Day 20: "Halfway, Sunshine"

Well,  I am halfway done with my lenten goals.  I have curbed my complaining some, but it still rears its ugly head.  On the positive, the rice bowl is still getting money and it will help some hungry people out there. These twenty days have seen ups and downs, and I am still here.

You may wonder what the sunshine in my title means. I was talking to a friend who was sad over the declining health of her grandmother.  She said "My grandmother has been my sunshine my whole life." I thought that was a beautiful term to refer to someone special in your life.  They give you light, warmth, happiness, and help you grow.  We always feel better when it is sunny out. Most of you who are reading my blog have been sunshine in my life and I just wanted to let you know!

Lent Day 19: "Jealous"

I am off to work and this is what is in my spot in bed!!

Lent Day 18: "Goodness"

I believe this reflection about the transfiguration is emphasizing  finding the goodness in all people, ie finding Jesus in them.  I think this is such a hard thing to do and requires lots of work and "conversion in thought". For example, In my profession I come into contact with a lot of sick, grouchy people.  I often let their grouchiness rub off on me and in turn reflects the way I treat them.  I forget that there is more to the story, they don't feel good, maybe they got really bad news, maybe they have forgotten to see the goodness in me. They don't deserve my impatience or judgement, yet they sometimes get it. I also come into contact with drug addicts whom I almost always judge.  Aren't these the people who need my help the most? Aren't these the people Jesus would have helped? I struggle, because I'm not sure I am capable to help them and maybe that is why my judgement and frustration come into play. We are such a throw-a-way society. We throw-a-way things and people all the time. We write people out of our lives that don't fit in our life with our standards.  We fail to see "value", really I think we should be looking for "goodness".  I think this is what this Sunday lenten reflection is about.

I also think the second part of this reflection is looking for the goodness within ourselves. I am my my own worst critic.  I know I fail to see the goodness in myself.  I fear doing this because I don't want to be a narcissist. I think it is when you start believing to highly in yourself that you get knocked on your ass! I guess the challenge is you do need to see good in yourself.  You need to see what you are capable of and  capable of sharing. If you listen and apply your talents to Jesus' work the results are unimaginable.

Lent Day 17: "A Father and a Son Unite"

I have had so much to say this week that I haven't  posted my church's lent reflection for this week. I will post the information,  reflect on it, and  then post my response tomorrow.

Alone with Jesus on the mountain, Peter, James, and John see him transfigured. Two great men, Moses and Elijah appear to talk with him. Out of the cloud God says: "This is my beloved Son. Listen to him.......Matthew 17:1-9

Reflection:
Are you aware that Jesus is still transfigured in the helpless, the old, the marginalized, unborn, unfriendly, unlovable. The sick, the Eucharist, and you.....

Resolve:
Look for the goodness in you and in each person. Do you listen to him?

Remember:
How do you reveal Jesus to others?
Pray for those who reveal Jesus to you.
Spend some time with the Lord.

Lent Day 16: "Into the Garden"

Yesterday was beautiful!  The sun was shining, the wind was mildly blowing, and I decided it was time to get my vegetable garden up and running.  I started my first tomato garden last spring with the help of Papa, who is no longer here. He was an expert when it came to vegetable gardening, and also eating the fruits of his labor. I don't think there will ever be a time that I can be in my veggie garden and not think of him.  I knew this year there were going to be a few kinks in my tomato garden, namely Sadie the bone burying basset hound.  She has stepped up her game from burying bones in our piles of laundry, to burying in the dormant vegetable garden this winter. We are not sure why she doesn't chew her bones.  She prefers to bury them and bark at them.  I have put together a little picture essay of how the day went.

Sweet! New Manure! Love the scent!

What are you looking at?

I have gotta go find my bone.

Wanna help?

Thanks for adding dirt to my bone bed.

It was really thoughtful of you.

Finished!

Lent Day 15: "Forgiven, Not Forgotten"

How does one truly forgive?  I think I have forgiven people who have hurt me.  If you still remember, and it still hurts, then can I truly say I have forgiven? Does forgiven mean forgotten?  Can these two coexist? How did Jesus forgive those who crucified him?

  Jesus said"Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing." and they divided up his clothes by casting lots. Mt 23:34

I think the challenge in forgiveness is to truly release the hurt and pain.  I think until you have done this you can't say you have truly forgiven. You may have to forgive over and over before you experience peace.


Matthew 18:21-22 
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.



I searched the web for information on forgiveness and the bible.  A lot of verses about forgiveness appeared. The bible teaches us to forgive. I believe forgiveness is hard work.  It isn't something that comes easy.  It's like studying for a big test you don't want to take.  You know that no matter what, you have to take that test to accomplish your goal. You have to study and put time in to pass the test.  To forgive, you have to pray, have faith, and hope and realize it may take time to truly forgive and begin to heal.

Lent Day 14: "Guilty Pleasures"

I have been writing about a lot of very relevant, yet more thought provoking topics lately.  I sometimes like to just get away and indulge in my guilty pleasures. I think it is good to have some time to enjoy in something that is light hearted and fun.  For me, that guilty pleasure premiered last night...."Dancing with the Stars!"...season 12! Every season is similar, yet highly addictive. I'm not sure if it is the costumes, music,  or stars that really  interests me.  I love the personal stories that make the stars come to life and seem more like me(yeah right!)...human. I know this show is a risk for the cast.  They are putting a piece of themselves on display for the rest of the world to judge them, and all while dancing. In a way, it makes me admire them more(even though they are getting paid). If you asked me who the past winners of the mirror ball trophy were, I probably could only name a few. I don't think it is who wins the trophy that matters, I think it is the journey they take that matters.  It is the sacrifices they make that shape them and make their journey special and also the people who identify with them and root for them to succeed along the way. It is like our life.  It is not the trophies we win along the way, it is the experiences we face that make us who we are. After a long day at work yesterday(and increase in the rice bowl monetary value), I kicked my feet up and enjoyed a little dancing.   I look forward to this season and maybe along the way it will inspire me...to get off my feet and DANCE!!!

Lent Day 13: Distractions

Today at Mass, I was physically present, but I don't think I was spiritually present.  I was distracted.  There was a new priest that I wasn't used to, children were very rambunctious around me, my stomach(and J's) was growling, etc. I think my imagination was in overdrive. Maybe I had too much coffee before church. I guess in life, there are a lot of distractions that keep me from getting the message. Distractions take away from my focus.  The Gospel was Matthew 17:1-9 "The Transfiguration of Jesus". I left church disappointed that I just didn't get it. I wasn't moved, nothing profound or life changing happened.  I came home and determined that I needed to find the answer.  Maybe that was meant to happen. I think I came home searching, looking for the answer.  I think that is how that hour of church moved me. Lucky for me, God puts people in our life who inspire us, move us, help us learn and grow.  When we are distracted, he puts people in our life who can help us refocus and see. In this case, it was Mom.  I told her I just didn't get it today and this is what she said about the Gospel today:

"Oh yes, the transfiguration is one of Jesus' biggest events leading up to the crucifixion. It is the one time he gives us a glorious beautiful glimpse of the whole Trinity dressed in its finest. It is seeing Jesus at his most glorious and most beautiful and coming for us at our worst and in the most need no matter how downtrodden we are. "


As I research this reading more, it is taking on several different meanings to me.  As with the transfiguration, Peter, James, and John climbed down the mountain not sure what they saw, what it meant to them.  I too today left church not sure what it meant, what I learned, but knowing I wanted to continue on my journey of faith despite my human imperfections that sometimes hinder me.  

Lent Day 12: The big scary monster!

 My friend sent me these pictures of her sweet child who decided one morning it would be fun to climb on top of her dog(with no help from mom and dad).  Besides being incredibly adorable, I think there is a bigger message. I believe in life there are challenges we face.  They may seem big and scary but if we attack them head on the reward can be great.  What is my big scary monster?  Do I have the courage and faith to take the challenge? She did!

Lent Day 11: "More Basketball Inspiration"

I was struggling for inspiration for my blog this morning when J showed me a famous speech on Youtube that brings him to tears every time he sees it. Those of you who know J, know he doesn't tear up often and it must be something special. So we sat in bed and watched the famous speech given by Jimmy Valvano "Jimmy V" at the ESPY awards in 1993 as he was receiving the Arthur Ashe Courage and Humanitarian award.  He was a famous basketball coach who lost his battle with cancer less than 2 months after giving this famous speech.  He said several inspiration things in this speech.  He said there are three things you should do everyday: "laugh, think, and cry(could be from happiness or joy)". "If you do this 7 days a week, you are going to have something special." After watching this with J, I realized I was 1/3 of the way to having a good day.  He said several other things that were moving but I don't think I can do it justice.  If you want to be inspired today you can watch it yourself at the following link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HuoVM9nm42E

Lent day 10: "March Madness"

I filled out my march madness NCAA tournament bracket this week.  It stuck me that I really knew nothing about most of the teams and turned to the "experts" or "seeds" to decide who I thought would win.  I, of course, picked the Longhorns to go all the way.  I did not base this on anything except they are my team. After filling the bracket out, I got to thinking about life.  Isn't it weird that we let "experts" tell us who will win?  I did not research any stats or watch any old tapes to make my pick.  I used the recommendations, and my gut. How many times in life do we go with "popular opinion" and make that a reality in our life?  We hear something and we make it a true fact in our life without ever stopping to research and see for ourselves?  I can't decide if this just makes us lazy for not seeking the knowledge ourselves, or insecure for not having faith in ourselves to come up with a reasonable answer.

Lent day 9: "The Devil is in the Details"

Reflection on this weeks lenten journey from my church has made me realize that the devil is in the details of my life.  I'm always tempted by chips and salsa, chocolate, and cabernet, but  I don't think those are the big things.  It's the impatience, the pride, anger, money that really pose the greatest risk to me.  I think I am impatient for God's plan for me.  I want kids now, but he has shown me that  I have no control over this and patience and faith are what I need.  I'm always working, but when I look closely, what am I working for...money?  What am I willing to sacrifice for more money? Don't get me wrong, I want to take care of my family, but when do I allow it to become excessive? Can I bring money with me when I leave this life? Is there a bank in Heaven? Does it roll over and is there a tax break? I think there are times I get angry and maybe I even hold grudges against those I love.  I think I am quick to judge people and it is wrong for me to assume I know best for every person out there.  Immortality and vanity..yes, I am getting to the age where wrinkle creams and new diets always peak my curiosity. Ok, maybe I should not have started to look at the temptations in my life that allow the devil opportunities. They are everywhere! They are in the details of my daily life!

On a totally different topic, I would like to wish my brother and sister-in-law a happy anniversary!!  Happy Saint Patrick's day, it will always be a special day for my family.

Lent Day 8: "Meditation: Victory in the Wilderness"

In an effort to improve our Lenten Journey, our church has decided to give us a mediation card each Sunday that will reflect on the Gospel.  This week reflects on Matthew 4:1-11
To prevent Jesus from carrying out God's work, the devil tempts him 3 times, to seek earthly powers for himself, but Jesus refuses.

"At that time Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil.....then the devil left him and behold, angels came and ministered to him"


Reflect: What are the promises of the devil that most often tempt you? Money, pride, gluttony, immortality, laziness, anger, withholding forgiveness or grudges, past sins, other worldly or material temptations.....
Resolve: This week talk to Jesus about your weaknesses and show him you are doing something about them.
Remember: What instances in your life remind you of God's lasting love? 


At this time, I think I will reflect on this and post my thoughts tomorrow. 

Lent Day 7: "Conversion of Thinking"

I walked into work and it was a disaster! Work everywhere! Stress everywhere!  This was just on my second day of my commitment to complain less and reign in my negativity.  I didn't speak for awhile worried that what may come out of my mouth would not be positive.  I sent J a text to ask him "If I complain when no one can here, does it count?" What he said back surprised me.  "That is not the point of the bowl. You are not supposed to complain. You have got to change your thought process somehow." HUH? This really started me thinking.  How do I have a "conversion of thought"? How do I change my thought process?  How do I rid my mind of thoughts I don't want?  Wouldn't that day have been better If I went in with a smile and tackled the task at hand with a positive attitude?  I think I used to be like that, What changed?  I think these are wonderful questions that I will continue to ponder.  Maybe if I figure out the answer...

Lent Day 6: In Memory of A

"A" passed away Saturday. I will miss you and "honk a tonk".  I know B is waiting for you.

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; 
He leads me beside still waters;
He restores my soul. He leads me in right paths For His Name's sake.
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil;
For you are with me;
Your rod and Your staff - they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies, You anoint my head with oil;
My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me All the days of my life. And I shall dwell in the house of the Lord My whole life long. Amen.
[Psalm 23:1-6; NRSV] 

Lent Day 5: Couples Skate

J&L "Watch Out, We are Couples Skating"

L & M "Pro's"

Yes, you read that correctly! Last night we ventured out of our comfort zone and into the past.  We went roller-skating to celebrate a friends birthday.  We had a blast! I was a little nervous at first because it has been years since I have been to a roller-skating rink.  Also, the cop arresting someone in the front when we arrived was a little disconcerting. J, M, and I  ventured in to meet the others, and it was like stepping into my childhood glory.  Many Saturdays were spent with my friends  roller-skating.  Everything looked the same: black lights, mirror balls, skates from the 80's however, the music was more todays pop style. I did request Michael Jackson's "Thriller" and "Beat-it" and that got the place hopping!  I was also very excited because after 30 something years, I was finally going to get to skate the "couples skate" with my true love.  Oh, the times I wished that back in the day! I guess its true, that if you have faith God will answer your prayers, He will, maybe just not in the timeframe we want.  It was J's first time roller-skating.  He did great(and secretly, I think he had a really good time)! He also enjoyed the flashback to the arcade games from his childhood.(Ah, the days before XBOX). I think my take home message from this adventure it to do something unexpected! We left the roller-rink with big smiles.  You may just get back something unexpected!

Lent Day 4: Spring Cleaning-The Garage

Today we cleaned the garage.  Spring cleaning is really hard to get started, but once you start it feels so good. I have a list of more to clean, but the garage was first on the list. I plan to make a list and post it to my blog of other areas in my house that need attention during the next forty days. It is amazing how much stuff two people can accumulate!  Do we really need everything we had in there? Do we need the stuff we kept? What can we recycle? Sale? The questions could go on and on.  It makes me feel that sometimes our earthly possessions are "weighting" us down.  I guess that is why it feels so freeing to get rid of some of our stuff. Hopefully we can keep the momentum over the next few weekends.

Lent Day 3: Remembering B

I love this plaque. It was given to me at my brothers wedding in March by a very beloved friend who is no longer with me.  I have it hanging by my back door and a read it often.  March brings lots of memories of my friend B. We had a great time together that March.  March is also her birthday. She unexpectedly passed on in the fall and I have missed her ever since.  She influenced  my life more than she ever knew.  I have so many memories intwined with her. I regret not getting to tell her how much I love her and she meant to me. She was a loving influence in my life. Today I remember her and thank her. You are missed deeply B!!

Day 2 of Lent

This blogging is harder than it looks!  What to say everyday for 40 days that will help inspire me? I thought today would be a good day to post a quote that always makes me pause.

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens.  But often we spend so much time looking at the closed doors that we cannot see the doors that have opened for us. We must all find these doors, and, if we do, we will make ourselves and our lives as beautiful as God intended."  
Helen Keller

This is such a powerful quote to me, and also very hard to apply.  I think it is so much easier to focus on the closed doors! When I reflect on the past year, I definitely can tell you what doors have closed for me(or at least what I perceive to have closed).  I am looking for the open doors, I have hope they are out there and I can't wait to find out what is behind them! On a day as beautiful as this one, I feel hope for what God has in store for me.

Operation Rice Bowl Update: The rice bowl has its first coins in it! It only took a few hours on Ash Wednesday before I complained about work!  Lucky for me, I have J to keep me on track and remind me to put money in the bowl when I complain!!

Ash Wednesday

I decided that lent would be a great time to start blogging.  Forty days for me to examine my feeling about myself.  I hope to comment daily on where I have been, where I am going, and all the stuff in between.  I hope this will help me learn more about myself, and help me navigate the speed bumps that life puts in the way. 

My first action on this first day of lent is to discuss "operation rice bowl".  The idea is to give up something(like daily lattes at Starbucks) and the money saved from giving up that item goes in the rice bowl.  On Easter Sunday, all the rice bowls with money from the sacrifices made during lent, are collected and given to programs that assist the poor and the hungry. 

I am going to give up complaining and negativity.  I know it is not monetary, but I vow to put money in my rice bowl every time I feel the urge to complain, or feel sorry for myself.  I need a daily reminder to look at  my blessings and remember there are those less fortunate. Sometimes I think I get so focused on my problems I forget that everyone is suffering in different ways.