Looking Back and Growing from It

J and I were reflecting on the past year at his birthday dinner. We were commenting how, if things had gone differently we could have an 8 month old. It is really a weird, almost a surreal thought. Today, our failed adoption feels like a very foggy dream. The past few months have really allowed me to mature and realize, we can't think about what could have been we just have to look forward and prepare ourselves for the next experience.  I think it was just a test run(a very real, and painful test run) making sure we had considered all the possibilities. I think looking back it has prepared me on how we will handle our next adoption match. I have been saving more money!! Buying the crib, carseat, and portacrib all in a 10 day window really hit home with the cost of raising a child in this day and age. Another really big change is the amount of information we share with others. I think I am a very honest person, almost to a fault. Everyone doesn't need to know the whole story, every tiny detail. Don't get me wrong, we are going to be excited, and share information, just not everything. I plan on keeping a tighter control on the information we share about our birthmom. Her story and how our baby came to be ours, is going to be our child's story to share, not ours. I think this will be the biggest change I make and probably the hardest. This is typically the information people want, all the gory details that led to this child being in my home. I think the answer that will be best, "This child is here because that is where God wanted him/her."  My love and my heart is the same and will still be vulnerable, but I'm ready! Bring it on!(Sooner rather than later!)