Don't Ignore

I received an email from RESOLVE to vote on best blog for National Infertility Awareness Week. They challenged their bloggers with a topic, "Don't Ignore". The top five blogs selected were really good. They were very informative and secular, I guess that was the goal.  I read them and voted on my favorite. It really started me thinking about those words, "Don't Ignore". You may say, "Loribug, Why do you care about infertility? You are a parent now." I would answer you with a few words. Infertility never goes away. Anyone who has experienced it will tell you this. Some people may go on to have ten biological children, some may adopt, and some may choose not to have children. If you have ever experienced infertility, it will change you forever. Don't ignore that you will forever be changed by infertility and it will always be a part of you.
Really, the above was just a side note. The most important thing I felt the blogs were missing in the challenge was "Don't ignore GOD!" My relationship with God was solidified through my infertility and adoption journey. I had to trust in him to see the plan he had for me(6 years if you are counting). It wasn't in my hands to control the outcome, just trust that he knew what he was doing. As a person who likes to control and to plan life, this is a hard task. It is also not something that came easily, at all. Honestly, when I prayed and was quiet, that was when I heard my heart. It was then that I found peace with my infertility, that my heart was open to adoption, that my heart healed from a failed match, and that my heart was open to love in whatever form God gave me. Don't ignore GOD.

The Cubical Diaries

Yesterday I blogged about National Infertility Awareness Week and little did I know that J was also participating in this awareness week at work. J doesn't talk much about our story to his friends, especially at work because he processes his feeling differently. I think most women that have gone through this will agree that their husbands don't talk about it much and just keep plugging ahead. I have talked to other women and they have said they wish there was a way to get their husbands to talk about it  more with their friends. I think for them it has to just happen naturally and when they do talk about it they will be honest, and sincere and ready.

Well, the opportunity happened unexpectedly for J in a cubicle at work with two co-workers. (He had not read my blog, and did not know it was awareness week) One of the co-workers whose filtering ability is limited asked J.."Don't you and L ever want to have kids?" J proceeded to tell him, that yes we did want children and had been trying for several years, medical treatments included.  He asked if we had considered adoption and J shared that story. He was floored that all of this had been going on and he didn't have a  clue. The other co-worker who had been sitting there quietly shared with Jaime that his wife had been talking to him about starting a family for the past few months. Other inappropriate comments were said that I won't post(like infertility costs in comparison to the type of car we could be driving now, and inappropriate adoption language), but needless to say made J and I chuckle!  I think we are both doing good if we can talk about our story and then even laugh at the end of it!

I am very proud of J for sharing our story during infertility awareness week. I think it will stimulate conversation between those men and their wives about infertility and adoption.

National Infertility Awareness Week

I know I am classified as "infertile" and until I prove it otherwise, this is an adjective that can be used to describe me. If I don't say it out loud, maybe its not true. I really don't like this word. I wish we could get a more friendly sounding word like "baby challenged"(however I don't know if that is much better). I have tried not to think about it(or even talk about it) and focus on the positives of my life. Sometimes, life has other plans for you. I turned on the news today and learned it was "National Infertility Week". Hmmmm. The curious part of me visited the Resolve website(a site I have avoided lately). The goal of this week is to bring awareness to this issue by busting myths, giving education, and helping people not be afraid to talk about their "condition". They also address the different ways people build families. Hmmm. I don't talk about my story much, I don't think it is because I am embarrassed, but rather because it is painful and people can be so judgmental(including myself). We have been on this road about 5 years and myths I have heard have been the usual and some more unusual. I have heard:
 1. Take a vacation(we have taken several)
 2. Stop worrying about it and you will get pregnant
 3. you are too stressed(my favorite..I am at fault right?)
 4. stand on your head after relations(I don't know if I could physically do this)

The list goes on but most infertile couples can relate to one of these "myths". If you want to know more myths visit the resolve website.

I won't bore you with the details of the infertility path we took, but we have tried it all, IUI, IVF, acupuncture, the"normal way", etc. I have reflected on it a lot the past few weeks as I have been blogging during lent.  I'm not sure I turned to God enough during that infertility path because I was so focused on the "science" and "curing" what was wrong with me. I think as I have turned to him more, my eyes have been opened to the joy in my life and the plan he has for me that is different, yet still not revealed. In closing, I don't want "infertile" to be the only adjective to describe me.  I would like to be described as "hopeful", "faithful", "funny", "loving", "giving", "graceful", "supportive", I could go on but you get the point........